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Meet Me in the Middle (East)

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Wedding Crasher...

I realize it’s been some time since I posted anything and there is quite an array of stories to tell. I have been watching the city transform itself post-bombings and try to balance the desire for enhanced security with the reality that there is only so much that can be done. In the first weeks following the suicide attacks the small mall by myself installed metal detectors at the grocery store entrance (meaning you walked into the mall, but then through the detectors to enter C-Town). After about a week they disappeared again, only to reappear after another few days at the entrance to the mall. Although you can walk in through the parking garage without hitting any security, and people set the alarm off all the time but I have yet to see anyone stopped. Is this supposed to make people feel better?

All of the hotels have enhanced their security by erecting perimeters that prevent anyone from driving up to the hotels. These barriers are protected by a varied number of armed men and there are also metal detectors at the entrances. Because no bombs could be made without using metal...? Or because they actually ever stop anyone who sets off the alarm? hmm...

With all these changes I have to ask myself the same question I did in DC after the terrorist attacks in the US: Do all these increased yet ineffectual security efforts make people feel more or less safe?

Aside from these changes, and a sea of Jordanian flags, banners and pictures of the king on every car, building and tied along the street, life has returned to normal in the city.

I have been to two wedding receptions, both in hotels and both after the bombings. What a fun and interesting experience (as weddings usually are :-) The first was the brother of Shaza, one of the teachers at Al-Asriyyah, and the second was my coworker’s brother.

Shaza invited me to a party at her house the night before her brother’s wedding. Although we had often talked about getting together, this was the first time I ever spent any time with her outside of school and of course the first time I met any of her family. She came with her cousin to pick me up and we went to her house. There are two separate parties, one for the men and one for the women. I met her brothers on the way in, just because they happened to be moving cars when we pulled up, and the one gettign married invited me to the wedding the next day. (Can you imagine in the US someone inviting a total stranger to their wedding, the day before?!!) I was very pleasantly surprised and of course accepted the invitation.

Upstairs at the party were all of Shaza’s female relatives as well as some of her brother’s female coworkers that were invited to the wedding. When we walked in the door, she pulled her hijab right off and as other women arrived they all tossed theirs off as well, with some revealing miniskirts, sequins, dyed hair and slinky dresses that rivaled the average American club scene. This of course mixed with the older women in a dressy form of traditional Arab attire (comfy robes with embroidery, see pic) and several conservative upscale outfits just like you would see at any wedding gathering.

The night was filled with hours of food, dancing and loud music, including some time spent, much to the entertainment of all I am sure, trying to teach me how to ‘dance like an Arab girl’ (For those of you who know my dance skills, picture that, then add the mysterious belly-dancer hand movements and that hip thing...).

By around midnight some of the men started to tentatively trickle up and knock on the outside door looking for their wives and ready to head home. Slowly as the women began to leave I watched them re-robe, which they do without missing a beat and definitely while maintaining full conversations. I also came to the frightened realization that the next day I was going to see them all again at the wedding…fully covered….and would I be able to recognize any of them!?!?

Luckily the next day this was less of a problem than I expected, and I do wonder how much my perception of them was shaped by meeting them first in this more relaxed context versus if I had met them fully covered in the more day-to-day societal context. I would like to say it wouldn’t have changed at all, but I don’t know how true that would be.

The wedding reception was at Le Meridian and followed a whole day of events including the conventional ceremony of everyone in the family going to the bride’s house, then piling into cars (a stage of the wedding you often witness in the city as the convoy makes its way down the road, easily identified by the wall of flowers on the hood and trunk, incessant beeping, and most notably, the cameramen hanging out the windows of nearby cars documenting the journey). A similar event occurs at the groom’s house and I’m not sure the exact logistics of how this fits with the actual marriage ceremony because I have yet to experience these first stages, but the end result culminates in an elaborate reception.

Arriving at the hotel, I had to navigate through the security barriers, two men with guns, one guard, one metal detector and one woman inside the lobby who had to wand me down. Once inside I found my way to the banquet hall and to Shaza, who had designed a dress for the occasion and it was stunning! It was so unique and gorgeous and she had incorporated her hijab into the dress design itself. A real piece of artwork.

Everyone was fun and friendly and so welcoming, I had an amazing time! I stayed the entire night, with much dancing and terrific food, and I even managed to practice my Arabic some (although most of the time the music was too loud for real conversations).

Despite all that I couldn't help wondering how amused they all must have been by me, or how many people were asking 'Who is this strange girl and what is she doing here?' Not to mention the bride herself, who, in both instances, I 'met' on the dance floor.

After attending my second wedding just this week, I have identified some standard characteristics of Arabic/Muslim wedding receptions so far:

* Fun drummers and singers at the front to welcome the couple
* A minimum of 4-8 cameramen
* Many bright spotlights
* VERY loud music (we're talking like 15 amps the size of refrigerators)
* A stage for the newlyweds to sit on
* Cutting the cake with a LARGE SWORD before dinner
* No alcohol, no bouquet toss, no speeches
* Photo montage of bride and groom as children that everyone must watch before eating
* First dance followed by dancing, also before dinner
* Smoke machine!
* Buffet dinner
* Prom dresses, hooker boots, and dress hijabs all in one room
* Arabic version of the conga line, with cameramen following as close as possible

And that is all I have to say about that!

Aside from weddings, I have also been going to my colloquial Arabic classes three nights a week and am happy to report that I have held several conversations in Arabic recently (even forming full sentences on occasion!) This is of course balanced out by the fact that at any given time I try to listen to conversations, or hold one not related to directions, food, what I am doing in Jordan or whether I’m married, I discover I have no idea what is going on.

Work is another story entirely that will require another post, and with major changes coming soon. It’s been unseasonably warm, even for Jordan, and I haven’t worn a coat in two weeks (even resorted to short-sleeves because it was so hot, which I rarely wear here). I spent Thanksgiving at work but did manage to make it out for a nice dinner courtesy of Andris (a.k.a. The State Department...a.k.a. my own tax dollars...that give him a ridiculous per diem which he feels so guilty about he spends on all us poor volunteers).

Last Friday was also my first day off in a few weeks, and there was hiking, yay! Wadi Mujib. OK so it was more like a guided stroll uphill with the Jordanians smoking most of the way, but it was still nice to be outside and moving! And they have other trails there that are closed now because it’s ‘winter’ and there could be flash-floods, but in the spring there is a 9-hour hike that takes you in to a waterfall and then you rappel down it!! I CANNOT wait! (and p.s. on the flash floods... I’m no expert but it has rained a whole three times since I got here. I understand the concept and all, but I’m really not seeing the imminent danger of flash floods...?)

And a final p.s. to the birthday box contributors, which I just finally got last weekend, the breath of home is truly appreciated. Wish I could send you some fresh hummus and knafer as a thank you but you’ll have to take my (much less tasty but heartfelt) words of gratitude instead.

**As usual, the picture upload idea is NOT working, but tomorrow I will have high-speed internet thanks to Justin, who is telling me come work at his place. Guess you’ll just have to come back and look then!**

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