A New Perspective on Christmas
I suppose I’ll always remember waking up alone to a chilly apartment in Amman. The first Christmas I ever spent away from my family. No stockings, no lights, no Christmas cookies and certainly no snow! In fact it looked to be one of the most unpleasant days since I got to Jordan, I couldn’t even see down the street through the wall of fog and rain.
I made myself a cup of tea and curled up on my couch with a smile. Almost an uncontrollable giggle. It all felt surreal. I wasn’t homesick. In my mind I could picture everyone gathered at the farm on Christmas Eve singing carols without me, nibbling on mint bars or congregating around the stove. I have such a clear image of it in my mind. Or of my mom on Christmas morning, waking to open presents without me. She’s even going to have to get them from under the tree. Every year the youngest person has to hand out the presents (needless to say I was always fine with this theory until the first time my brother wasn’t around!) I hope she made Michele do it, it should be her responsibility this year!
I spent Christmas Eve at Justin’s, although it truly felt like any other day. I kept trying to get myself into the ‘holiday spirit’ but the sparse lights and decorations scattered around the city just haven’t been enough to do it. When I got home, I lit a candle and much to my delight, I discovered that Bahrain TV was playing all Christmas carols. I listened for a bit, although some strange versions to be heard, then plopped myself into bed and sang off all the carols I could remember. Unfortunately I’ve discovered that I know the beginning of a LOT of songs, but without the music or a group of people to sing along, it’s sad how few I could actually make it through by myself!
The whole time I had the vision in my mind of Christmas’ past, with many of my family and friends gathered around the piano while Dad plays carols, some people with Christmas hats, the occasional recorder and an array bells (including of course the sleigh bells!). I wonder who has taken my seat next to Dad on the piano stool or is taking responsibility for turning the pages?
And it doesn’t matter that I’m alone or that I can’t sing or even that it’s raining and downright unpleasant here, because in my head I can see the snow piled up on top of the car, the warm glow of the Christmas tree, the smile from Mom as I bounce down the stairs and she makes us both a cup of tea. I can hear the crunch of snow under my feet, I remember agonizing hours of waiting and waiting, because when I was younger we weren’t allowed to open a single present until both of my parents were in the house and finished with the morning barn chores. What agony! Who knew that would only be preparation for this year, since I am still waiting for my box to arrive. I just hope it ever does, since rumor has it many boxes have a habit of disappearing on their way to Jordan.
As I sat that morning I watched the ceremonies unfolding in Indonesia and across south Asia in remembrance of the tsunami victims from a year ago. What sad strength and perseverance. What a year it has been. From the tsunami, to bombings, earthquakes, assassinations, revolutions, elections, how much the world has changed. There are certain years that stick out as transformational, like 1989, I wonder if 2005 will be like that?
I know I have learned that I cannot be alone. With all the loving family and strong friendships I have, I rarely have a sense of loneliness. I may not hear from some people often, but time has little bearing on how close you are in my mind or how much it means that you are a part of my life. And you are. Some of you have been around for a long time, and some of you I am lucky enough to have found this year. All of you have shaped my life and give me faith that there are good people in this world. Stay yourselves and I hope everyone is having a happy holiday full of smiles, family and friends.
And that’s my end of the year sentimental rant :-) I’m off to Cairo on Wednesday for New Year’s Eve. SO excited about the pyramids! May you all have a HAPPY NEW YEAR and may 2006 be . . . (I have been thinking what to put here for about five minutes straight now. I think what I want to say is I hope it’s a year that allows hope to thrive).
Be positive.
I say that as a reminder. As much to myself as to you.
I made myself a cup of tea and curled up on my couch with a smile. Almost an uncontrollable giggle. It all felt surreal. I wasn’t homesick. In my mind I could picture everyone gathered at the farm on Christmas Eve singing carols without me, nibbling on mint bars or congregating around the stove. I have such a clear image of it in my mind. Or of my mom on Christmas morning, waking to open presents without me. She’s even going to have to get them from under the tree. Every year the youngest person has to hand out the presents (needless to say I was always fine with this theory until the first time my brother wasn’t around!) I hope she made Michele do it, it should be her responsibility this year!
I spent Christmas Eve at Justin’s, although it truly felt like any other day. I kept trying to get myself into the ‘holiday spirit’ but the sparse lights and decorations scattered around the city just haven’t been enough to do it. When I got home, I lit a candle and much to my delight, I discovered that Bahrain TV was playing all Christmas carols. I listened for a bit, although some strange versions to be heard, then plopped myself into bed and sang off all the carols I could remember. Unfortunately I’ve discovered that I know the beginning of a LOT of songs, but without the music or a group of people to sing along, it’s sad how few I could actually make it through by myself!
The whole time I had the vision in my mind of Christmas’ past, with many of my family and friends gathered around the piano while Dad plays carols, some people with Christmas hats, the occasional recorder and an array bells (including of course the sleigh bells!). I wonder who has taken my seat next to Dad on the piano stool or is taking responsibility for turning the pages?
And it doesn’t matter that I’m alone or that I can’t sing or even that it’s raining and downright unpleasant here, because in my head I can see the snow piled up on top of the car, the warm glow of the Christmas tree, the smile from Mom as I bounce down the stairs and she makes us both a cup of tea. I can hear the crunch of snow under my feet, I remember agonizing hours of waiting and waiting, because when I was younger we weren’t allowed to open a single present until both of my parents were in the house and finished with the morning barn chores. What agony! Who knew that would only be preparation for this year, since I am still waiting for my box to arrive. I just hope it ever does, since rumor has it many boxes have a habit of disappearing on their way to Jordan.
As I sat that morning I watched the ceremonies unfolding in Indonesia and across south Asia in remembrance of the tsunami victims from a year ago. What sad strength and perseverance. What a year it has been. From the tsunami, to bombings, earthquakes, assassinations, revolutions, elections, how much the world has changed. There are certain years that stick out as transformational, like 1989, I wonder if 2005 will be like that?
I know I have learned that I cannot be alone. With all the loving family and strong friendships I have, I rarely have a sense of loneliness. I may not hear from some people often, but time has little bearing on how close you are in my mind or how much it means that you are a part of my life. And you are. Some of you have been around for a long time, and some of you I am lucky enough to have found this year. All of you have shaped my life and give me faith that there are good people in this world. Stay yourselves and I hope everyone is having a happy holiday full of smiles, family and friends.
And that’s my end of the year sentimental rant :-) I’m off to Cairo on Wednesday for New Year’s Eve. SO excited about the pyramids! May you all have a HAPPY NEW YEAR and may 2006 be . . . (I have been thinking what to put here for about five minutes straight now. I think what I want to say is I hope it’s a year that allows hope to thrive).
Be positive.
I say that as a reminder. As much to myself as to you.
Rob and I at Melissa's, where we had a Christmas brunch and present swap.
Then I went to Croshelle's in the afternoon to help her cook an amazing feast (niether of us are in the picture, but that's our food and everyone else, all of whom I met that day!)
posted by prairie at
2:40 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home